The Experience
HEALING RELATIONSHIPS
Starting with MOTHER – CHILD relationship, from Me to my Mother, to my love Partner, to my business partners/ organizational relationships, to my Children.
The key to how we relate to every person in the world, is our relationship to our mother!
Our initial attachment to our mother – the person that brought us into the world – will deeply influence all the other relationships in our life – the couple relationship, the relationships with friends, business partners and the relationships with our children.
We can have good relationships with those around us only if we can find peace within ourselves. And, we can find peace in ourselves only we can find peace with our mother!
Moshe Szyf – epigenetic scientist (2013) says: “Our mothers are in every cell of our prefrontal cortex.” This part of the brain – the prefrontal cortex has around 26 billion cells and is responsible for our executive functioning – that means, how we make plans, how we interact with the world, how we treat ourselves.
“We learn to take care of ourselves the way our mothers take care of us and take care of themselves” (Sarah Peyton – neuroscience educator).
We are trying in different ways to become more accepting towards ourselves but we don’t succeed and we don’t want to look at the most relevant and important relationship in our life – the relationship with our mother. We think we can leave her aside and go on with our own life.
“Of course, there will be instances where the relationship was so destructive that this becomes necessary but then these people will only find a measure of self-acceptance. True self-acceptance cannot be achieved if we feel negatively towards the person who brought us into the world, someone who is such a huge part of us – our mothers. In some instances, it will be the father that has this kind of influence and of course, fathers do exert a strong influence on who we are, but it is more common for the most influential person to be the mother” (Barbara Morgan – Psychotherapist, Editor of The Knowing Field – the international Constellations journal, UK).
Father is also very important in our life but we physically first grow within our mother and also, the mother is our emotionally starting point. From our interaction with her, we discover ourselves, we even develop ourselves in order to fit with her.
Our parents give us life but also, they give us lots of other things in addition to life – they take care of us, feed us, raise us, and much more, different kind of gifts (wisdom, knowledge, talents, skills) they get through their own personal effort (work, studies, trainings, etc.).
“It works well when children take what they are given, as it is given. As a rule, children get enough when they willing accept what they are offered.
Of course, there are exceptions which we all understand, but as a rule, what parents give their children is enough. Children may not get all that they want and not all dreams are fulfilled, but as a rule, children get enough.” (Bert Hellinger – Psychotherapist, the founder of Family Constellations therapy).
Life on earth is the first and the most important gift that parents give to their child. And just because someone has given life to a child, is a parent. That is the essence of being a parent. In every family the parents come first and without the parents there is no child.
“You have to accept and take from father and mother as who they are: One does not become a parent through moral qualities but through procreation and birth.” (Bert Hellinger – Psychotherapist, the founder of Family Constellations therapy).
We came into this world and our instinct tells us that we have to survive and that in order to survive we have to belong. To how we have to belong?
We already know our parents, we felt our mothers physically and emotionally for almost 9 months, and though her we felt our father.
So, when we came into this world, in order to survive, through our physical body, through our eyes we start to connect, to bend to our mother first, and then to our father. Even so, they are equally important, the mother is the one closer to us, the one who feeds us.
Researchers from the Newborns Institute in UK find out that a newborn child is trying to connect/bend to parents again and again for a period of two weeks. If they didn’t succeed they turn their head from the parents and look in another direction.
They registered the newborns and how they respond, how they communicate with the person who talk to them, in the same way, they respond accordingly and when the person stops to communicate with them, no movement on the face, cold face, and children are still moving their faces, trying to communicate and to attract the adult into communication. They do this for a while and if they didn’t receive an answer they turn their head away. So, we will try again and again to connect to our mother for two weeks, and if we can’t then we will turn away from her.
That means that if we didn’t succeed to connect, from the beginning of our life, with our mother or father the rest of our life we will seek for this connection everywhere. We will try again and again to get this unique, deep connection with our partners, and we will fail again and again.
When we cannot make the connection with mother?
When the mother is fragmented with traumas from her own family or if she came from a line of traumatized mothers – traumas of history, war, genocide – we inherit an increased reactivity to stress. Epigenetic studies shown that this inheritance appear as sheath of protein surrounding our DNA.
This can happen for example:
If the mother is disconnected from her mother;
If she has a hard line/ destiny;
If she had a hard childhood – she lost one or both parents, or siblings;
She had a hard Life – she lost somebody important, a child and she is still entangled with.
Through Systemic Family Constellations therapy, we can find resolution for our lack of connection in all our relationships, starting from our mother and father, then with our couple partners, business partners and with our children.
”Our hearts remember those who gave us life, those who gave us love, and those whose fate is entangled with our own. As soon as the link to one parent or both is diminished, people lose energy and strength. Constellation restores the connection and the flow of love to what was separated.” (Bert Hellinger)
This free talk will be available online and offline (Zoom, Instagram live)
Price: Free | Free Talk will be held in the SEVA Table. Booking required.
Kindly contact 0585435888 or info@sevaexperience.com.com for bookings and further inquiries.
About Laura
Laura Ghita is an experienced psychotherapist, empowering individuals, families and groups through their growth journey, while using the most appropriate methods and tools for every particular case. As a Systemic Family Constellations Facilitator Laura assists individuals in a very effective and profound way to find solutions to specific challenges in all areas of live – personal, relationships, health, profession etc.
Laura Ghita MD Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Facilitator Systemic Family and Organizational Constellations, NLP Coach, Art Therapy, Time Line Healing Therapy